Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's okay to cry... and Thankful once again on a Thursday!




Last night I was really feeling it- my mom passed away one year ago and even though I have done very well with the loss, there is something about the anniversary that brings it all back. I remember her last conscious days where I said over and over to her how much I loved her and that she was the best mom ever and that I was going to miss her sooooo much. That day was such a blessing because she was able t0 tell me over and over again how much she loved me. Words I will never forget and I hold so dear. Of course again as I type the tears are streaming down my cheeks. Hubby and I have decided you never really get over losing a parent, the pain just dulls a bit as the years go by. It was very hard for the first 3 months, I missed her terribly and I wanted so much to share things with her- Anna's progress, our journey to Sarah, how and what the other kids were doing, our soap opera, yes, I said our soap opera! It was very helpful when I asked "Prayers that Move Mountains" to pray for me- truly I felt the sadness lift and was able to positively move forward.

Now I read sweet Linny's blog and I feel that this dear family has taken enough from the opposition. It is time saturate them in never ending prayer. They are constantly on my mind. Children are so precious- and I think of how worried they must feel, sick with worry, wanting to make it all better for their precious Autumn. She is such a beautiful girl! I love how she is unique and goes to the beat of a different drummer. Please pray for the family, for wisdom of the doctors, for healing, for God's grace and comfort.

As I was sobbing last night thoughts came in and out of my head. My Mom, Autumn, Linny, their family, a big decision we need to make soon, my mom, the orphans, the hungry, the homeless, my mom, my dad, the children on waiting child lists, and our next child who is waiting for us in China. After awhile I couldn't figure out which one I was crying more about?

After all that I was wiped out and unable to sleep so I watched the soap opera (tivo) that my Mom and I had watched together so often... in honor of her!!

Today is a new day, no more tears, just hope! Sometimes you just have to have a good cry!

What am I thankful for-
1. great parents
2. the gift of faith
3. the gift of the holy spirit
4. these adorable little girls that run around our house and the 5 big kids that we adore!
5. food and a home
6. adoption loving, family loving, Jesus loving friends I have met through blogs
7. our FCC playgroup- great moms and adorable kids!
8. the freedom to worship and to homeschool!

Thank you Jesus!!


4 comments:

Lori said...

Oh Jean! That made me cry! I just love your incredibly tender heart. You are one the sweetest people I know.

God holds each of your tears in his hands and cares deeply for your hurts. I know He must be so pleased that you care so deeply for people.

You are the best!

Love you,
Lori

Susan said...

I too am crying with you. I lost my Dad very suddenly just before getting our referral from China. I agree that you totally never get over it and there will be a hole in your heart for the rest of your lives, but the memories do grow sweeter and less painful to think about.

Thank you also for remembering sweet Linny. Each and everything she has gone through in her life is major enough.. but add them all together.. Wow God has mighty plans for this family who is determined to keep their eyes on Christ no matter what comes their way.

May God grant you peace in your coming decisions/ circumstances and let you know clearly what His direction is for your lives.

Hugs from the 'East'
Susan.

Sally- That Girl! said...

I am so sorry for your loss last year. I can't imagine as I still have my mom with me, but many of my friends have lost their moms. It has been hard on all of them.

I love how you were able to turn it all into praise today. I adore your heart and spirit!!!

Jan said...

Both my mama and daddy have gone to heaven over the past 16 months and I so feel your pain. Thank heavens they knew Jesus and we'll all be together soon!

Jan