Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mixed Feelings



Although I am very thankful to Ch*na for the incredible girls that are now our daughters but I have to say I have very mixed feeling about Ch*na. When I am there I love it, I love the people, their friendliness and smiles, their well meaning ways and the rich history. 

When I am home and I realize that these two wonderful little girls have never had a Momma or a Daddy, my heart aches. When my little 3 yr old takes a wagon ride and looks back at her mommy and cries out "Momma, Momma" I know she is crying out from past hurts and not because she is going a half block a way from me. When my sweet 9 yr old spends the evening at a neighbors home and then the evening ends in sobbing for the friends she left behind in China- I know something is not right. Maybe it is the fact that this incredibly resilient little girl spent 8.5 yrs in an orphanage... no foster family... no Mommy or Daddy, no heat in her home/ orphanage, same food everyday, no parents to care about her school work, corporeal punishment in school, no one to be there when she gets hurt or to watch her as she grows and well, the list could go on.

It is not okay to put off adoptions for whatever reason... while these children get older and older. It is not okay to wait until they are 5, 8, or 13 for them to have a family.  There are so many families just waiting for a child and their are so many children waiting for families. Why on earth would is there a 3-5 yr wait for adoptions- it is not fair, it is not right, they deserve better.

I really never speak my mind but I couldn't help myself after hugging a 9 yr old for 2 hours as she fell asleep.

I am grateful that these two precious girls are our daughters but at the same time I feel guilty for even being grateful- they should have never had to go through all of this...

My heart aches for them and for the other millions of children who have been put in this situation. It is not only Ch*na but many other countries, maybe even our own beloved America. How can this be... how can this happen?


8 comments:

David and Sarah said...

I often wonder how something so good could come out of such pain and sorrow.

Suzette said...

Jean,
My thoughts echo yours! I have been so frustrated as we are trying to adopt the little girl God has planned for us. We have had to come up with letters about a surgery that my husband had as an infant-43 yrs ago along with so much "senseless" paperwork! Now does that really matter when we want to provide a child a home? All of the little necessities and yet our children wait with no mommy or daddy? I am just so thankful that I know my Heavenly Father holds her while I can not. Our domestic adoption was also lengthy, but nothing like this one has been.

Jill said...

Jean, it is interesting for me to stumble across this post at this time......
For the past 4-5 days I have been struggling with this internally. After hearing more "not good news" from our agency last Friday, I finally just looked up at the Heavens and said to myself...WHAT IS THE DEAL??? There are SO many children on this planet, and SO many people longing to be moms and dads......the system is pathetic! And who suffers ....the children.
Completely senseless.
Many prayers for all these souls.....
Hugs, Jill

Hezra said...

I understand too. There is so much STUFF that seems so trivial. There are children's lives hanging in the balance. There are so many who want to be parents, but the costs, the difficulty, the endless books of paperwork. . .not everyone can do it. I too have been sobbing lately. My girls are 8 and 13. They have just had birthdays. They have been in orphanages since 2003! And the sad thing is, they may not even know we are working so hard to get them. Or that their new sisters and brothers pray for them every day, and beg Heaven for "a fast adoption for our sisters". Meanwhile on MY end, I get so much negative talk. People asking why would I want even more kids. It makes me want to scream! I have to use my frustrations to get things done and keep praying. And yes, trust that God is a father to the fatherless. And he will set them in our family. Your pictures make me think of Psalm 4:8 I have it on our girls wall, "I will both lay me down in peace and sleep, for you Lord only, make me dwewll in safety. God bless you and all the other mothers who arefeeling the fathers heartbeat for his children.

Lori said...

GREAT post!! Once God puts the orphans on your heart...you can't get them out of your head or heart, can you?

Though I understand the thoroughness necessary to get approved for adoption....it just seems completely crazy that it takes so much time, money and STRENGTH to finally get a child. And the process is just getting longer.

And now this whole flu thing. UGH!! The enemy is hard at work and I'm sick and tired of it. These children need homes. Period. So, we press on.

I'm going to be calling on as many women as I can to "gather" together on Monday (and perhaps every Monday for a while) to pray and fast for the flu barrier to be lifted. And we can also pray for each and every orphan to find a forever home.

Thanks so much for your tender heart!

Sally- That Girl! said...

It's one of those polar opposites Jean. You love your daughters, you love having them as your own and yet at the same time grieve for what they have lost to get here. I think all of us mothers of internationally adopted children experience these issues and have to work through them. It is not easy that is for sure!

Love you and your post!!!

Chris said...

Great post Jean. Those are my thoughts exactly. Thank you for writing it.

Chasity said...

Jean,
I feel the same ache. Your beautiful daughters should always have had a mommy and daddy, that is what they deserve. All they need is to be loved. When Jie came home and still even after almost a year, she shows signs of her mistreatment in her orphanage. It breaks our hearts to see the fear in her eyes, she never deserved anything but loving, nurturing care. God bless your beautiful family for bringing such love and nurturing to your childrens lives.