Monday, September 7, 2009

HUGE QUESTION?

Before I ask my HUGE question I just want ya'll to know the crocs have been found! Yep- one of the suspects in question happened to put them in the front door of the home we went to for playgroup. We rang the doorbell, they opened the front door but we all went around back to the pool- not through the front door. So the one with the sketchy memory had put them in the front entry way- hmmm, is this girl lookin for some new shoes or what!

Okay, on with my huge question...

Sarah is 9 years old but new to the USA. She is loosing teeth and Christmas is coming up. Soooo, do I do the tooth fairy thing and Santa- and let her relish in a childhood different than the one she has known? Or do I tell her the truth? I want her to be a child BUT truth is big for a child who has not lived with you all her life. Hubby and I both new the truth by 2nd grade- that would mean we would fess up and just have fun with it but not be misleading. Seriously- I am trying to teach her to trust me... so is this a lie to pretend their is a tooth fairy and Santa? I could ditch Santa any day but it is fun to have fantasy in your childhood. Maybe I should just do the tooth fairy?

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? PLEASE RESPOND! 

16 comments:

Joan said...

My first thought was to keep the Tooth Fairy. But then I wondered what your older kids would suggest. They know their sister too... do they think she would enjoy the Santa experience?

Janet and Kevin said...

That's a tricky one! Our oldest son was always terrified of Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Oh he wanted their gifts alright, but he insisted that they not be allowed to come inside our home! LOL! I always felt a little bad about keeping their myths going, especially in light of wanting Ted to really believe us when we taught him about Christ and not just thinking he was another myth.

So when we use those things in celebrating in a fun way a holiday or special event with our children, we just play those things down and focus on who gives us life - Our Lord.

We don't want to take the fun away from our children or spoil it for other children whose parents play those traditions up, but we do want our children to know that Christ is not a myth.

It's a fine line, I admit and one that might get tricky when your daughter, who is older, will find out sooner than our little son; however, we feel the same way you do. We want our children to trust us in the big things of life, and we feel if we make a big thing over these myths, it might lead them to see us as not as trustworthy some day.

Pam said...

Do you do Santa and the Tooth Fairy with Anna? (I'm sure Anna hasn't lost teeth yet, but will you do it?) If so, perhaps Sarah would enjoy being the "big girl" and helping you with Anna's surprises. My older children were excited when they were "in the know" and to have fun with it for their younger siblings.

We do Santa at our house, BUT it is done in a VERY small and incidental way. Definitely, it is NOT the focus of our Christmas. I will have to say, that last year, AC was likening Santa with Jesus and we put a stop to that immediately, telling her that Santa is a only a fun part of Christmas, but Jesus is REAL! We also let her know that Santa doesn't watch you all the time (like the song says) but Jesus DOES.

I would think that with adopting an older child, truthfulness and trust are much more important than than allowing Sarah the opportunity of a childhood fantasy.

Lori said...

I really like what Pam said and that's how it has always been in our house. We kinda do the Santa thing...but he is by no means emphasized. I don't recall a time when our boys "found out" that Santa wasn't real. But "Santa" does come to our house to fill our stockings and bring extra presents.

Does that make a lick of sense?? Sarah can certainly enjoy the benefits of Santa without having to believe in him.

Sue said...

Jean,
Monika has known since she was 5 that the tooth fairy, Santa, etc. aren't real. She figure it out on her own and we didn't lie to her when she asked. She still loves doing it and her younger sisters know that Santa isn't real. We have talked about and said it just something fun to do. I think you should do it with Sarah, but be honest that it just a little fun thing you did with her big sister/brothers when they were younger, and then maybe after doing the tooth fairy a couple of times, talk with her again and see if she wants to continue to do it.

Acceptance with Joy said...

I vote for truth. That's my opinion. Someone once said,"I was told there was a Santa, then I found out he is a lie. I wonder if the baby Jesus is a lie, too?"

Chris said...

We don't do the Santa thing or the toothfairy, we do however sneak money either under their pillow or into their hand after they lose a tooth. Christmas is gifts from us and from a gift exchange.
I side w/ straight up truth w/ Sarah. but you know her better than I.

tinacd said...

When my kids were little, we bought a fun little book about the "real Santa Claus". It was the story about St. Nicolaus and how the tradition got started. They were able to enjoy the history of "Santa Claus" without getting confused over what Christmas is really about. I just feel like there are so many joys of childhood that we can emphasize without having to lie to our kids.
How can we teach them what God says about lying, if we make it out to be fun?

By the way, I also have a Sarah Grace (age 10)who enjoys hearing about your Sarah Grace. Good name :)

Tinacd

Chasity said...

Jean,
What a wonderful question. It is for the children, but I already feel bad about teaching my son that the Tooth Fairy exists. He has known Santa from very little, but I should have skipped the tooth fairy...I just remembered how much fun it was as a child to get the $ under my pillow...I played it off for years and understood that my parents had fun with it. I would pray she wouldn't find either as a way for you to be dishonest. I think the question is what she already believes, she is a bit older, so a mythical figure may not be believable on any level.

Janet said...

We did all that with our older kids. Then I ran across an articel about it. Basically it said you can't see or touch the tooth fairy, Easter bunny or Santa (except at the mall). You also cnnot see or touch Jesus--so is He a lie too? And the whole trusting the parenrs issue. It had never crossed my mind before. I discussed it with the older kids and asked their opinions. They said--don't do it. So we do not do any Santa at all. Wa also only do 3 gifts plus a stocking.

Holly said...

Wow, that's such a good question. And the honesty thing has bugged me for a while with my kids--not adopted. But we did go along and do Santa and Tooth Fairy. Finally this was the year we spilled the beans, and I feel relieved. But it's a little sad too. Anyhow... I didn't read the rest of your responses, but I would lean toward total honesty with your new girl. It seems like the safer (although less fun) option. But if you go the other way, I'm sure all will be fine anyway. :)

Michele said...

I agree with some of the others - I think trust is more important at this point. I also think that she will LOVE Christmas regardless. It will be no less fun for her, I don't think.

Wendy's Mom said...

Do you do the Santa thing with Anna?
My fear if is Sarah knows there is not a real Santa then she will tell Anna that he is not real and ruin it for her for many more years. Anna is aweful young to not be able to continue having fun with Santa. That is just the fun part of it.
Maybe you could tell Sarah that Santa is the fun part of Christmas. Personally I would not make it a big issue and actually lie to her, but yet let her enjoy this year anyway. Let her see the fun in it. If she starts to question it to much then tell her the truth. If that happens I would explain the importance of not ruining it for Anna. (I remember before Anna was potty trained she made comment about Anna is to old not to go on the potty or something like that). I know she does not understand all this but Anna also needs to be able to enjoy her Santa time too.

Love,
Sheila

a Tonggu Momma said...

The Tongginator was adopted as an older baby and is still only five, so I can't really give you any relevant advice. My only thought is... I think that, whatever you decide, you need to make certain that your extended family is on the same page with you. Because those holiday traditions are hard to break if the grandparents/ aunts/ uncles say one thing, but the parents say another.

Jennifer O'Cain said...

Our Lily will have her first Christmas home this year too. She is seven and we are just going with the flow. Two of our kids already know the truth and two are still little and believe in Santa. Lily came with some understandig of Christmas and believes that Santa Clause will come and see her at home. We just don't talk about it that much. I really don't care either way if my kids believe,it has not effected my children's belief in Jesus. They see the difference. As for the Tooth Fairy well we do it but they know it is mom and dad. This is a touchy subject so I hope you figure out what to do. Maybe talk to Sarah and see what belief she already has, if any.

Tesseraemum said...

I like the St. Nick idea. We talk about how he was a real person who gave gifts and helped others to honor and serve Jesus. With Sarah being older and having a history I think it will be easier to incorporate the fun and tradition without lying to her. You really don't want to tell her that Santa is real and he delivers presents to children all over the world and then try to explain why he didn't visit an orphanage in china! With that being said we still have santa.He brings gifts and we really just don't talk about how they got there. It's a part of the mystery. When I was about 13 (yes 13) my sister (she was 10) informed my mom that santa wasn't real and my mom cried! She turned to me and asked if I knew santa wasn't real too. I kid you not! My parents spent a great deal of time and effort making sure there was mystery surrounding Christmas and she really thought we didn't know. I had known for quite awhile but it was so fun and special I didn't let on. Not another word was spoken about santa not being real and the tradition continued!!! Don't get me wrong, santa wasn't the focus of Christmas but just one piece of tradition that we carry with us as adults and share with our children. However you choose to celebrate Jesus' birth your kids will treasure their Christmas memories all of their lives!
Sheri