Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Do You Love Them As Much As...

Since we have adopted I have been asked that question a lot. I quickly check where the children are to make sure they are out of earshot and didn't hear it. I don't like that question because it alludes that the answer could possibly be no- that breaks my heart. However I tolerate that question for two reasons- I want to encourage others to adopt and I remember wondering that myself.

As we were having our birth children I remember how passionate I felt for them. I was prepared to protect them at all costs. I was a Momma bear and they where my cubs. I remember seeing other adoptive families and pondering the question "do they love their child as much as I love mine?" I never asked anyone but I did wonder. Over time I was able to see the answer- Of course they do! That dear child is a wonderful beautiful creation of God. Of course they love them every bit as much!

It was almost a relief to come to that reality. I couldn't imagine a child in a family and not having equal love and opportunity as their sibling. For me if freed me to have dreams come true, to add to our family as God guided us along in the path of adoption. I love seeing who will be joining us next!

Speaking of who will join us next- With all the chatter within the yahoo groups regarding contact with future adoptive children I want to be careful to do things the right way. To be honest I haven't followed the yahoo groups very closely because "surprise", we are busy. I have read a few posts here and there and do not want to take a chance at prolonging our wait in any way- it is already painful enough. Once you know who your children are you just want them home... now! We are hoping to get an update- through our agency sometime this month! I think we all have to be careful not to jeopardize China adoption in anyway! The children need us and well this Momma needs her children!!

I cannot believe how much Sarah is growing! I am putting away her clothes thinking that Emma and Ellie will be able to wear them BUT they too are probably growing! This should be one interesting closet they will have- Oh my, I think I have never had this situation- will some experienced Mom please tell me- should they share clothes or have their own? What n earth do you do if they want to all wear the same shirt and I don't happen to have 3 of them, just one?
I am thinking they will wear different sizes- I think... Sarah should be the biggest, Emma should be a size smaller and Ellie is the same size as Emma but she is broader built so they can share some things but she may need her own pant/shorts/skirts.

Have I shared with you that I am not really a very organized person! Sarah is organized. The other day she got frustrated with her underwear/sock and undershirt drawar- it is now perfectly organized! Our God sure knows what he is doing when he matches us up with our kids!!

Back to the LOVE! The answer is yes, yes, YES! Sometimes I feel like my heart could jump right out of my chest! I feel like "is this really true are these amazing children really MINE?" Oh how can this be- thank you, thank you, thank you JESUS!


Are These Kids All Yours? said...


Hmmm...no inspiration on the sharing clothes with girls. Our boys share, but we all know it is a bit different.

From the Erben Gang..... said...

The clothes thing is tough! Kaja and franki, although 2 years apart, can share a lot of their clothes. I honestly don't often remember what fits who...but Kaja (sounds like Sarah) is very neat and KNOWS what is hers! With so many changes for sarah in store-I think she would love to have her clothes her own. (and they will inevitably share some stuff) The best way to keep it straight, I have found, is to keep the amount of clothes on the small side. But I would be happy to hear what others say cause it is a tough problem! I bet cathy knows what to do!

Anonymous said...

it's a big YES for sure but then again...at this point who can tellt he differance between an adopted child and a biological one! they are the SAME.

The clothes thing....you will have to probably decide when the girls are home. My boys wore the same clothes for awhile and then boom...they were completely differant body types. I would just keep Sarah's outgrown clothes and pray something fits...otherwise lucky Anna will have LOTS of clothes to grow into.

Hezra said...

We have got this SAME problem here! Already. 2 girl almost 5 and just turned 8. They have mostly their own stuff, but the 5 y o is stocky and the 8 yo is thin, so they FIT in the same stuff, it is just longer or shorter. And we are going to have 4 girls in one room. one closet(!?) The new girls are 8 and 13. But we have been told that they may be very small for their age. SO I have clothes my cousin has sent they are sz 8and up to girls 16. I just washed and boxed it all up. I save everything. Shoes too. In our house each kid has a plastic drawer system. The kind that have a few shallow ones then a couple of deeper ones. This holds their unders in one, socks in another, tee shirts, then pjs. Their jeans or nice clothes hang above that. This eliminates dressers. So I am thinking each kid gets their own of those then they can chose from the hanging stuff. We may occasionally buy matching dresses or tops but I am guessing they will mostly just all grab what they want... lol So far this method has worked well with 5 kids(3 boys and 2 girls)

Lori said...

Before I even finish reading your post, please tell your girls that I'm flattered that they did their hair like mine for that picture. They look fabulous with big fuzzy hair, as do I (well, not really...I'd give anything to have their straight shiny black hair!!!).

Hezra said...

HA! Lori I thought the same thing, only picture mine in strawberry blonde! Jean, I forgot to mention that I too worried after birthing 3 kids that having someone else do that part would somehow diminish some natural instinctual love. It was odd, we got our babies from birth. We brought them straight home from the hospital. But it was odd, I felt that strong love for them that was so much the same. It just took longer for THEM to feel it maybe. lol And they are very different kids. My son was determined to be cranky and not love, my daughter soaked it up instantly like a love sponge. But yes the love for them is the same. I am curious to see how it goes with older kid adption. I AM nervous. like a blind date... will they LIKE me??? Will they be frightened of my frizzy red hair???? lol

Sue said...

Speaking with 3 children very close in age...they are different sizes in some ways and other ways they are the same sizes. Pants/shorts they have no problems sharing. Shirts and pj, they like to claims as their own. I very rarely dress them alike anymore, and when I do laundry I sometime have to ask who shirt is who....
The question about loving the kids equally, I am with you on being a momma bear and my children are my cubs. I love them with all my heart and I couldn't image loving them anymore then I do otherwise my heart would rupture. Great answer

Shonni said...

YES!!! Absolutely. I also feel so BLESSED that these amazing children are mine and amazed at the journey that we get to walk!

McNew Family said...

Happy Anniversary, Jean!!!

I am so glad that I wasn't the only one who wondered if I would love my adoptive children the same as my birth children. I figured I would, but I worried that maybe it might be different somehow. I was relieved to find out that YES, I love each and every one of them with the ferocity of a mama lion - it is absolutely NO different!

Blogging Friend said...

I do not have any biological or adoptive kids but I cannot imagine loving one less than the other. I had the opportunity of helping raise nieces and nephews (mainly from birth to about 4yrs old) and all I can say is I know they were not mine as in my child, but I loved them just like they were. They were literally my children period!

As far as the girls go. I am sure they will want to share some things but they will also want to have their own clothing too. It seems like Ella and Emma like to dress somewhat a like so if that is the case then yeah you will need more than one. LOL!! Popular things you might want to buy 2 or 3 of them (assuming they are all the same size) but that would only be a few items. Trust me girls change their mind on what they want to wear frequently. LOL!!
Then you will have poor little Anna who is going to want to wear things like her big sisters and might not be able to find them in her size. LOL!!
It is good Sarah is organized but could potentially cause trouble if her new sisters are somewhat sloppy (let's hope not though!). LOL!! Do you have the closet situation worked out yet? having them all share one closet unless it is a big closet may become a lot of fun for you. LOL!! Good luck Mom! I am kidding you! You will be a wonderful Mom to all 4 of these little ones. They are very fortunate to have such a wonderful and loving Mom too!


Sally- That Girl! said...


Honestly, while I feel I love all my children the same I do feel a different responsibility to my kids through adoption than I did my bio kids. I am not sure how to explain it, but I feel like I choose them specifically. I choose for them to be in our family. It is my responsibility to give them the best life possible. Not that I didn't want that with my bio kids, I think I just took more for granted with them than I ever would my littles!! There seems to be more at stake. All I know is that blood or no blood, they are my kids and I love them just the same. In fact, I can't even comprehend loving them less!

Karin said...

Yes, Yes, Yes! :)

I love the hair picture...too funny!

TanyaLea said...

Thank you Jean~

Though I have yet to experience our daughter being 'home'... I know that the love I have for her in my heart is no less than that I felt for my bio children as I eagerly waited their arrival. I already get those questions, and I don't like them either... EXCEPT like you said...it allows a seed to be planted for adoption. Khloe is growing deeply in my heart just as my bio children grew in my belly. The love I have for her already is deep and real. And I can't WAIT to bring her home!

God bless you, Sweet Friend! <><