We have 5 birth children over a 10 yr span. We were very active in our community and what our children were involved in. We knew a lot of people in our area. We have truly enjoyed the many many families we have met through church, schools, sports, and activities. It has been great!! Many of the families had children that matched up with 2 or 3 of our kids- that was especially fun and we stayed connected over many years. But kids grow up, activities end, people change churches, etc...
As a family we have continued to grow in numbers. The people we once were close with we haven't seen in years. I still fell like they are my friends and I think they have positive feelings towards us, too. However, those families are still seeing each other, their connections have grown stronger. The ladies may take walks together, volunteer, exercise or have lunch weekly or monthly. The couples go out for dinner, catch a movie or even travel together.
When we decided to change our direction and adopt we knew that we were taking the road less traveled. We knew that was what we wanted to do- we made a deliberate choice. Sometime when a person makes a choice to do something they don't necessarily realize they make a choice NOT to do something else. We choose not to participate in the lifestyle we saw our friends going toward- we knew it and we deliberately choose it. It was an informed decision.
So this weekend it hit me like a pie in the face. I'm not exactly sure why, I think it was a weakened moment. A moment where two of my big kids were especially crabby and my appreciation level was at an all time low- me for them and then for me- it was mutual.
Now I will wallow and mope- a friend of our oldest son got married this weekend and we were not invited to the wedding. I know, you are shocked (JK)! I usually never care about stuff like that, I am famous for saying "sometimes it's a blessing not to be invited to everything". Life would be too busy if we were all always included- I don't even like that kind of busy- so why do I even care about this wedding? It is because we would have invited them if the table were turned? Is it because I just love this young man (that just got married) and his family (his Dad died 5 years ago). It is because he practically lived at our house in high school? (okay I'm in a time warp, that was 9 years ago). Do I feel like I failed my older kids by not being involved enough or bowing out of things as we added to our family? I don't know? It's probably a combination of many things.
I don't want to keep the pout going on too long but there may be a trend here and this family ain't goin to many of the weddings in the near future. But I will stop myself from continuing on with the poor me syndrome and move on.
So, this weekend I have been thinking and processing. Thinking of the choices we have made, praising the Lord for his kindness and allowing us to add our little blessings to our family. Thinking about all the money we are saving by not buying wedding gifts (just kidding).
I have been reconciling my feelings and giving them to the Lord. I have also announced to our children that if and when the time comes - plan a small wedding. We've run out of friends! Acquaintances we have many, friends... ahhhhh.. only if they share our last name!
FYI- I have never regretted our life choice, never regretted following our Lords lead but that doesn't mean I can't have a few feelings now and then! Don't worry, I'm already better and over the wedding issue, okay I better say wedding issues because there's another one comin up and we aint goin to that one either...