Thursday, June 3, 2010

What would you do? And how do you do it?

It has been a year since we have had our daughters referrals. After reading all the information and much prayer we knew they were ours.

To be honest their condition was much different in their referral. We really didn't know what was happening with them- they didn't speak much, they couldn't be separated, they had difficulty moving their hands and basically they were in a state of shock. Since then their referral has been updated. Our daughters were reunited, they went to a foster home(together), they have attended Half the Sky Preschool and a China school. They are doing well. Thank you Jesus!

When they were found they revealed no information- no birthdate, no family info and definitely not their previous name. They were examined and a birthdate was assigned to them. Already having a child from China born in the year 2000- We really thought they were off on the estimation of Emma's birthdate. She is 20 plus lbs lighter than Sarah and 4 inches shorter. She is shy, reserved and cautious. Hubby and I immediately felt she was younger than the date given to her and decided we would change her birth year to 2001. We felt that having an extra 6 months to a year would be helpful to her and it would give everyone their own spot or birth year within our family, so to speak.

One major problem? HOW DO WE DO IT?

When do we change it? In China and when? In the USA? When and How?

We already think of Emma as 8 and going to be 9- we forgot we need to do this officially.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Any advice? Do you know of anyone that did this?

Would you change it or leave it as is?


Jill said...

Jean- We have family friends that JUST did this a few months ago. Email me privately if you would like me to connect the 2 of you.
Hugs, Jill
(BTW, I believe they told me they had bone scans done and everything to determine her true age...)

Blogging Friend said...

I am no expert on this and I have not adopted a child. But from reading other blogs I might can help you.
I know that others who have adopted children that appear to be younger than there age do actually change the birth year after coming to the US. If I remember correctly I think one blog said that they could re-adopt the child after being home 6 months and actually get a US Birth Certificate. That is when they officially change the birth year.
Unfortunately that is all I know. I have no idea if it could happen in China or not. In your case it might, since they do not actually know their birth dates. However, you might find out that Emma is not really 8 going on 9 either.
I do agree that Ellie looks younger than Sarah, so I would bet she is at least one year maybe 2 years younger. Wonder if they have every actually told anyone their real birth dates yet? Their story is really sad. They do need to get home to their forever Mommy.


Hope I helped some.


Sue said...

Jean, I know some people that have changed the dates and they do in America.
I would wait until you get her home thou before deciding to do it for sure. If you compare my Katie and Monika. Monika is one full year older then Katie, but she is 2 1/2 inches shorter and 8 pounds lighter then Katie. Jenny and Katie are 10 weeks apart and Jenny is 3 1/4 inches shorter and 10 pounds lighter. I was hoping to hear you got TA, since Erin's agency got 12 of them on Wednesday. I will keep praying hard for yours...hugs

Sally-Girl! said...

DO it when you get home and settle in, get to know the girls a little better, maybe you will find you don't need to change anything?

By the way, we will see you in China!!!

Dawn said...

WE changed our daughters age (they said 7 we said 5)after bone scans said she was younger by two years. It is done in the readoption paperwork when you request a legal name you can also state you want the age changed to -- you want. Then you apply for the state birth certificate which will list the date you selected. We are in Oregon and we did our own readoption and I think it will work the same for you. Easy.. however... let me state after the change our daughter grew 8 inches and pounds and pounds heavier in one year and in the next it was 5 inches.. so she could have been the stated age. It really does not matter much...because they are not going to be an American age... they will act younger. Good thing... and it gives your girls more time to be at home and be kept safe.

Karen said...

Jean, I tend to agree with the previous comment from Dawn - it really doesn't matter. I think that once the girls are at home you can decide what you want to do it anything. Our daughters - bio sisters from Hubei PRovince - may or may not have the "right" birthdates either. When they were abandoned by their mother on a railroad track, our Abby was just crawling, her sister a few years older. They both ended up in the hospital before being placed in Wuhan Children's Welfare Institute. At the time, they gave Abby the age of 9 months and Cheyenne said she was 4. They were given the birthdates of Jan 1, 1996 and July 30, 1999. After 7 1/2 years home and many years of questioning whether this is their true age or not, it doesn't matter! They do act very immature for several years. Abby now almost 11 weighs more than our Cheyenne who is now 14. And just because they are bio. sisters doesn't mean they will be close to the same size either (you know that since you have grown children!) This truly is just a matter you can decide for yourself though. Cheyenne just finished up 6th grade at the age of 14 - she is a lot more self conscious about her age, but socially she's right on target in my book for a 12 year old. BUT, she couldn't have been too much younger when she was placed in the orphanage since she was talking so well and didn't appear to be a 2 or 3 year old child. I might add that your 10 year old daughter looks to me to be older - she just appears to me look like she's about 12 - compared to my daughters. So...I woauld just wait until you bring them home and when you have observed them for awhile and if you go through a readoption, you do have the choice of changing the year. I'm so anxious for you as you are the only family I know that has adopted sisters like we did (except for twins). Praying for you and fast travel date arrival!
Karen in Arkansas

From the Erben Gang..... said...

Just to put my two cents in....a doctor should be able to determine their age (and maybe a dentist could help too). But I agree with the above statements-wait til you get home(way too complicated in china), sarah looks and in many ways acts older (and yes, other ways acts younger) than her stated age, and when you see them all together for awhile-you will know. If I had to "redate" Kaja- I would make her 12 instead of 4! She is an "oldest child"!! Ha ha.

I also have a friend who is from Vietnam and came here with her parents and 6 siblings-the parents made them all "younger" in the US then they actually were and she thought it was helpful!

I LOVE that the girls are sharing a room! I think it will be fantastic for bonding!

Praying you travel and can get those girls soon!

David & Janet Hurley said...

Jean, maybe after the girls have been home for a while and trust you, they will open up with some of the past info. As you know with Sarah, it could take quite some time before they can actually put everything into words, so I'd just be patient and see what they know.