Life has gotten crazy, a little too crazy. There has been too much going on lately. I haven't shared much because I don't want to complain but I know there is peace in all this and it is time to find it.
We were scheduled to go to Washington DC this week for Angels in Adoption and we were very excited to go (and a little nervous). As the the trip got closer, it just wasn't feeling right and we needed to make a difficult decision - we decided not to go and instead stay home.
I am still wrestling with it but I know we have made the right decision for this family.
When we were invited my first thought was how can we leave our new adoptees this early but we decided to give it a try. Our children were going to be in good hands- our friend Karen was staying with them- they would be well taken care of- no worries there.
Even when they are safe and comfortable- it is still hard to leave children that have only known us as Mom and Dad for 3 months out of their 8 & 9 years of life. Adoption is a process. A long and wonderful process but still a process filled with comfort, feelings and fears. Our journey has gone well but as time goes on we are learning more about Emma's disabilities and challenges.
My inside barometer was not saying "go, go, have fun". Nothing significant would have happened but I just wasn't feeling like we should go.
Maybe it was the 3 canker sores in my mouth or the cracked crown from clenching my teeth at night or they many headaches I have been having or the fact that I wake up at 3:30 and make the mistake of "thinking".
Maybe it was the fact that we were leaving Johnny on his birthday and he only has 2 more years at home before leaving for college. He also has one of the biggest soccer games of the season on his birthday and we really wanted to go to it.
Maybe it was because congress adjourned early this year and we would not get to meet with our congressman in DC (he is home now so we will schedule a meeting here with him).
Maybe it is the fact that life has not slowed down since spring when we were preparing to travel to China.
Maybe it is because when we have a moment we are working on our dossier for Mary Claire (or Maddie) and Sam.
It could be because we needed to get hubby a new suit and a dress and dress shoes for me!
Or the fact that Hubby is so busy at work right now. It is a critical time for his business and leaving for 3 business days is really hard for him
Or that there was so much to do to prepare to leave 5 children it didn't feel like we were actually getting away.
I am sure to many this sounds like a lot of excuses but to us it sounds like stay home and love the children. I am a home body, and always have been. I guess that is why our blog is named "there's no place like home".
We have been unable to find out who nominated us for this award. Believe me, it is such a honor for both of us. We are speechless that we were picked. We are grateful to God for this award. To us it reaffirms the plight of the orphan and our passion to bring them home to our house and to other homes in the future. It energizes us!
With all that has been going on we have not been able to settle into a "new normal". Instead of having our mornings at home for school and time with the children we have been buried with lists of things to do and appointments. I need to take a deep breath and settle in with our girls. They wake up in the morning and the first thing they said is "Drive?"- as if to say where are we going today Mom??
Our mornings need to be filled with peace, joy, good books, school books, little projects, learning tasks, games and lots of hugs. After all, that is what homeschooling is all about. I may be a dreamer but I have found that these dreams of mine really do come true!
So, it looks like this week we will be HOME and not world travelers. It feels good, it feels right for us. It feels like we are where we need to be right now.