Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Look On Her Face...

The girls love looking at pictures of themselves from China. They each have their own photo book. They are randomly placed in their, out of any order (I'm a bit orderly- I would have insisted in chronological order).  They were so excited- it was their book, their pictures, their memories and their project- I stepped aside and just let them go for it.

I found this picture in the yahoo group from their orphanage, along with many others of "them". I was so surprised to see them, I felt like I hit the jackpot.

In so many of the pics they are with random people. None of these ladies were their foster mom. You can see the top of a little boys head- he was just being adopted and the families were saying goodbye to him and meeting his new parents.

I started to realize how our two girls roamed around and popped up in places, no adult watching them, no one that cared.

Ellie had told us stories about people treating Emma badly. She was victimized a lot. As her Mom that makes me physically sick. I wish she had been home with us earlier. Anything to save her from that...

When Emma saw this picture she was not happy in the least. She just stared at it and made no comment at all. She had a look of concern on her face. Even Ellie was not happy.

I was thinking they would be thrilled to see themselves- they usually are but not this time.

I asked Emma if they were nice to her. She hung her head and shook it as if to say no. I went through every person in the picture and only once did she say yes.

It broke my heart...

She was abandoned at an age where she new what was going on and then not accepted by her new community. It makes me so sad.
Emma goes to the beat of a different drummer.
She was extremely challenging in China.
She tested us and tested us.
She was out of control and unable to process what was happening to her.

Emma new that she needed to behave if she was going to have a family. We had every one of our guides tell her... we had too, we were scared.

It did enter our mind that maybe we wouldn't be able to proceed.

I had an extensive conversation with another bloggy Mom that was there. The whole time leaning towards disruption. When we were done and we walked away I knew we were not going to do it. 
We trusted that God would not give us more than we could handle when we left for China. I knew we needed to keep trusting him and give all of this a chance.

Once we walked in the door of our home... we had a different child.
A veil of peace came over her.

Emma still goes to the beat of a different drummer BUT Emma is delightful.
I am so thankful we did not give up then and there but instead clung to his promises and found comfort through HIM.

This is a little girl that loves to be loved! 

She is incredible and I love her dearly. We love everything about her! She is making wonderful progress in everything!

Did I tell you she can pedal! Skip! Hug us! She is learning the alphabet and her numbers! She is amazing! She is such a precious gift from God!

I think she loves her life!

That makes my everyday!


Sally-Girl! said...

This post makes me so happy. This post gives me hope when I am in Guangzhou alone for the first time with Gracie knowing that God will not give me more than I can handle!!!

Your girls are beautiful and in the perfect family for them!!!

Anita said...

Jean - I, too, am sooo thankful for your honest post. I know we won't know how this adoption will look when we are in China with Kaleb. His sweet smile and personality, I pray, will be present when we are with him. However, I know need to be prepared for anything. Again, once we get through Thanksgiving, I need to chat with you some time soon. HUGS!

Angie said...

Oh, what a sweet girl. She's right where she was meant to be...in a home abounding in love for her and God.

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

So glad that you have really seen into your daughters hearts. That you stuck with it. EVEN when it didn't feel good. Praying for your girls...and your children you long to hold soon. Praise God for HIS GRACE!

Susan A said...

Tears here from reading your post about Emma, Jean. I am so glad that she (and Ellie) is with you!!!!! Praise Yahweh.

"that which I see not teach thou me" Job 34:32a

We walk by faith and not by sight.


Adeye said...

Oh my goodness, so absolutely amazing. What a delight she is :)

Joan said...

Thank you for posting the real deal. I love reading your blog and seeing how loved everyone is. Thank you for sharing.

Holly said...

What a sad story...and a wonderful one! To think that so many people treated her badly, and then to find a family who loves her at last. No matter what. I just LOVE stories like that. : )

Serving the King said...

There is such a visible light in her eyes now that wasn't there in any of the China photos. I know it's been said a million times, but it truly is incredible what the love of a family can do. Thanks for keeping it real for those of us about to go that in those moments of darkness we just need to hang on!

Laura L. said...

What a great post. I am so glad that God brought Emma to your family. What a blessed gift!! Psalm 68:6 God sets the lonely in families.

He does, and He does it perfectly. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to you and ALL of yours.

Hopefully we'll see ya soon!

Pam said...

A life redeemed. What a beautiful post on your sweet Emma. She's like a flower, slowly unfolding, bit by bit. And soon she'll be in full bloom. Thanks be to God and to her loving family.

Sarah said...

So glad that you have one another!! You are all blessed.

Wife of the Pres. said...

And this is why He called your family to her. He knew you would trust Him. So thankful you did.

You know it is so crazy we just missed each other. I was almost distraught at times over our little guy in China. Our big guy was testing us, but I knew this was good and normal. And when he wasn't testing, I saw glimpses of his heart and it is oh so sweet. But our little guy, he was just so needy and there were so many unknowns above and beyond what I even expected (and I didn't expect rainbows and roses!). But anyway, I think now to what if we had left him there? I cannot allow my mind to go there very long. he is such a ray of sunshine and just the sweetest little guy! Thankfully, when my heart was going all wacky on me, my DH was filled with peace.

Anyway, this is an amazing post. Love your heart and your honesty and your girls' beautiful smiles that light up your blog!