I can feel it inside me. It is gnawing at me and it is the opposition knocking on the door wanting to get in. I feel like Eve- so tempted. I am trying to pray away these feelings. Trying to move away the clutter and put God back in control.
Some amazing things have happened lately and absolutely amazing and I will share them with you later. For now I am finding that I am stepping forward and being self congratulatory. I am not liking the inner battle that is happening. I can see it but it doesn't squelch the desires inside- the desires that God has not put in my heart.
Just to clarify it a little I am having feelings of "wanting" the children. It has morphed from those that God has chosen for us into me choosing. I am trying to run ahead of God and not wait for his perfect timing. I am desiring to make decisions for our family that are not God directed. God has opened and closed doors for us and instead of praising him and trusting in him to protect our family and guide us- I'm not so thrilled with his choices.
God has put beautiful and wonderful challenges into our lives and instead of moving forward positively with these challenges and doing the tasks he has asked me to do, I am avoiding my duties and just wanting more... of everything, in every way. Peace has fled me...
I don't even like typing this but I need to get back on course and have a servant heart. These words feel so ugly to put in a post and I'm embarrassed to have these feelings. There is only ONE that can overcome this and I need to give this inner issue of mine to HIM.
Have you ever felt like you want to take over the steering wheel? If so, lets pray for peace and humility together!