Sunday, February 20, 2011


I can feel it inside me. It is gnawing at me and it is the opposition knocking on the door wanting to get in. I feel like Eve- so tempted. I am trying to pray away these feelings. Trying to move away the clutter and put God back in control.

Some amazing things have happened lately and absolutely amazing and I will share them with you later. For now I am finding that I am stepping forward and being self congratulatory. I am not liking the inner battle that is happening. I can see it but it doesn't squelch the desires inside- the desires that God has not put in my heart.

Just to clarify it a little I am having feelings of "wanting" the children. It has morphed from those that God has chosen for us into me choosing. I am trying to run ahead of God and not wait for his perfect timing. I am desiring to make decisions for our family that are not God directed. God has opened and closed doors for us and instead of praising him and trusting in him to protect our family and guide us- I'm not so thrilled with his choices. 

God has put beautiful and wonderful challenges into our lives and instead of moving forward positively with these challenges and doing the tasks he has asked me to do, I am avoiding my duties and just wanting more... of everything, in every way. Peace has fled me...

I don't even like typing this but I need to get back on course and have a servant heart. These words feel so ugly to put in a post and I'm embarrassed to have these feelings. There is only ONE that can overcome this and I need to give this inner issue of mine to HIM.

Have you ever felt like you want to take over the steering wheel? If so, lets pray for peace and humility together! 


Sally-Girl! said...

Love you my friend! Glad that you are taking this time to focus on what His will is and not ours! So easy to get caught up in that and lost on the path He is TRYING to send us, which is always the best and most perfect path as both of us can attest!!!

Holly said...

Absolutely!! I struggle with wanting to be in control about every day- sometimes many times a day!
So identify with wanting to run ahead and CHOOSE instead of waiting patiently and allowing God to do His work now.
There is a little boy in China that I still adore and I just found out today that he is still waiting and I would love to GO but this is for whatever reason, not the time....God has another plan...and like it or not, I need to trust in that plan and rejoice in it because God is good.
Blessings of peace as you loosen your grip on the "wheel" and allow the Lord to choose your course.

Lori said...

Have I ever felt like I wanted to take over the steering wheel? Umm, only about 32 times a day!! I'm an avid control freak and while I'm always calculating in my brain what MY next move should be...God is waiting patiently for me to figure out that HIS way is best.


So in short, yes, I'm right there with you.

But I'm learning!! I indeed am learning that I gotta die to myself and LET HIM take the lead.

Only God Himself could put up with the likes of me!

Oh, how He loves us!!

Cari said...

I'm with ya too Jean! I completely get what you said about wanting to avoid the duties {challenges} and just wanting more. I want to bring home more kids to help them, but I still struggle with the duties and challenges of our last adoption. Our child has a very tough personality to live with for me and the rest of the family. It's just the way of her environment, but so difficult to be around that every single day. I can't but think we would be in the adoption process already if we weren't still struggle with the last one...but God has a plan and purpose. He sees all that I can't. I must be patient and know that someday He will let us know when He wants us to bring home another one.

Annie said...

Hi Jean,
Thanks so much for your offer of prayer. Today feels like a day that it would be good to have someone pray for me. Not just for me, but for my son who is 29. He has a health problem that has the possibility to be very serious, I'm praying it will be easily corrected. Please pray for healing, for getting into the doctor sooner and for him to have peace and turn to God for guidance. I have a heavy heart due to this situation and also for others in my family. I so enjoy your blog and Linny's too. You are living a dream I have had since I was a young girl. I thought I'd be able to adopt one day, but it doesn't look like my husband is willing to do so. I'm praying though, for a change and/or for my acceptance of this loss if it is not to be. Thank you for your prayers. Mine are coming for you and your family as well. Oh how I identify with you in your quest to not take control, you aren’t alone there. We’ll just have to keep praying and listening!

Tesseraemum said...

Boy, do I ever struggle with this too!
I think you are a step ahead and really hearing God when you recognize what your doing and take a step back.
Being able to handle situations is a talent and a gift. Its just a problem when we take over and think our ideas are better than God's!!
Praying for you!Enjoy your mini break!! Sheri

connie said...

Amen, amen and amen! Such a struggle for me! Thank you for your candor, sweet sister!

Karin said...

Oh my goodness, YES! I have so been there and am constantly struggling to do the things I need to be doing daily--the things I would rather not do--and instead running around looking for a better offer. ha. Really wanting to stop doing this. Praying for His help!!