I have to say this... it may not sit well with some people and others may agree...
Whenever we bring a new child into our home that child HAS to abide by our rules.
I have seen / heard of so many families that have been in utter turmoil over the adoption of a new child or children. I firmly believe that that new child or children want to know the rules of the family and want to be accepted by the family, want to be part of that new family and want to be protected by that new family.
We have found that it has worked wonderfully to make our family rules clear from the get go!
There is no way I would ever bring a new family member into our family only to torment a birth child OR ANY other family member. The new children are prepared to be molded into what is acceptable and appropriate. I mean this in the most loving way. They have lived in situations that are much different than what we live in- they don't know how to act and depend on us to teach them. To not teach them appropriate behavior would be poor parenting on my part. This is my job and I take it seriously. In many cases it may not be easy BUT it is our job!
The current children in our home have adjusted- they are happy and usually agreeable. We have taught them (and still need to remind them) how to treat others- the new children NEED to learn how to treat others. The orphanage rules are different than the family rules. They cannot mistreat others to survive. They cannot teach their old ways to the children in our home- we must teach them how to treat others...
That's all for now!