Friday, April 22, 2011

The New Children That We Welcome Into Our Families...

I have to say this... it may not sit well with some people and others may agree...


Whenever we bring a new child into our home that child HAS to abide by our rules.


I have seen / heard of so many families that have been in utter turmoil over the adoption of a new child or children. I firmly believe that that new child or children want to know the rules of the family and want to be accepted by the family, want to be part of that new family and want to be protected by that new family.


We have found that it has worked wonderfully to make our family rules clear from the get go!


There is no way I would ever bring a new family member into our family only to torment a birth child OR ANY other family member. The new children are prepared to be molded into what is acceptable and appropriate. I mean this in the most loving way. They have lived in situations that are much different than what we live in- they don't know how to act and depend on us to teach them. To not teach them appropriate behavior would be poor parenting on my part. This is my job and I take it seriously. In many cases it may not be easy BUT it is our job!


The current children in our home have adjusted- they are happy and usually agreeable. We have taught them (and still need to remind them) how to treat others- the new children NEED to learn how to treat others. The orphanage rules are different than the family rules. They cannot mistreat others to survive. They cannot teach their old ways to the children in our home- we must teach them how to treat others...


That's all for now!

17 comments:

Sarah said...

You are such a wonderful mama! What a gift you give to these children by teaching them to be loving (and, of course, you know that I know that they give you wonderful gifts every single day, as well).

Nancy said...

It amazes me at how well the children seem to have just slipped right in. They definitely are already showing such good manners. I watched them as they all watched Sarah take her plate to the garbage, and then one by one they all did the same without being asked. Pretty impressive!

I don't know if you saw it today, but Lily was taken with Ava. Lily sat right down next to her and was patting her on the shoulder, wanting to play with the toys she was playing with. It was pretty darn cute!

You are doing a fantastic job!
Nancy

Mama in Uganda said...

Amen.

We expect the same in our home--from the get-go!

And they learn amazingly quickly.

Blessings,
Summer

Susan A said...

Amen! Sounds good... and don't forget the time-out chair! :)

Angie said...

I totally agree! And some kids seem to accept those rules so much more readily than others. And not only are they to treat their siblings well, but parents, too. We're having challenges right now with one little missy not showing respect...we're making progress...but not without some battles. Thanking God His mercies are new every morning!

Lori said...

Great post, Jean!!

Sally-Girl! said...

Couldn't agree with you more. The only thing that Imust give some wiggle room for is the language barrier and with that I mean it just gives them a little grace until I know with certainty that they understand what is expected. I, too hold very high expectations for our littles and Gracie has been no exception! She continuously amazes me of what she is capable of!

Great post by a great momma!!

Pam said...

Amen! I agree, and we do exactly the same. From the get go. I see no reason to allow unacceptable behaviors at the beginning, only to have to try to change them down the road. Ours learn from the beginning what we expect and do in "our family."

Anita said...

Thank you for catching up with us in China! Oh I know how hard it is as I felt the same way on your trip, too, and now that we're home....AHHH! :)

Thanks, too, for posting what I already instinctively knew about teaching our new children the behavior we expect in a family, and it affirmed my thoughts. Now to know when the language is no longer a barrier. If you want to share with me your experience on that one, I'd love to hear it. Kaleb is doing really well so far, but no dreaming that we still may have issues that come up.

Hugs! ~Anita

Shonni said...

I completely agree with you!!

Janet and Kevin said...

Totally agreeing with you. Our new children have so much to learn, but it helps them in the long run. After going through it twice and getting ready to do it again, Kevin and I see clearly that helping our new children understand and obey our house rules is the only way to go and our new little ones do feel more secure when they know Mommy and Daddy have rules and limits. We are absolutely convinced it also helps them feel loved and cared for as well.

Good post.

:)
janet and gang

David and Janet Hurley said...

So right!!, and I say that with one kids currently on the stool crying, because he chose not to follow a rule.

Cari said...

I completely agree with you Jean. I do wish that I had more real life examples on how to do this with a 13 year old adopted 10 months ago now. She has definitely gotten better since the summertime, but it so difficult for me to enforce rules when she is just as big as I am and definitely stronger than me physically. I can't really pick her up and place her in a time-out chair...lol. I keep praying that God will speak to her heart to soften it more and more everyday.

Adeye said...

I absolutely agree!

Great post, friend.

From the Erben Gang..... said...

Ditto. Great post

Mom Of Many said...

So well stated!! You rock sweet sister, you rock!! Happy Easter with your entire bunch!

Sammy said...

Oh gosh!! It is so good to hear someone have common sense!!! We've adopted 10 times. I always say the kids change to fit the family we don't change to fit them! We adopted Remi last July at age 10 y.o. She found out another one of my rules this morning in church. She said she had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the service. I told her too bad and sit! After the service I noticed we got in the car and she hadn't gone to the bathroom. : - )

Sammy