Thursday, May 17, 2012

Older Child Adoption

Recently, a few others have spoken out about older child adoption. It is a topic that needs to be discussed so families that are considering older child adoption can go into it with their eyes wide open. 

Often times there is a push to adopt the waiting older child. The one that is about to age out... Often times families agree to bring this child home with an open heart and hope for success. But much more than hope is needed in this situation.  

Our friend Vickie wrote about it on her blog and I really encourage anyone who is considering older child adoption or adopting an aging out child to read her blog post. Click on the link and it should take you there.

wwwourchinagirl.blogspot.com

I am not by any means discouraging anyone from adopting older BUT instead encouraging anyone who is considering it to do so with an arsenal of reading (books on the issue) and support behind them!

Mia will be our oldest child adoption. She will be 11yrs and about 5 months when she comes home.
Sarah was 8 yrs and 9 months when she came home. We were a little shocked but because we had done our homework we believe we were prepared. Sarah responded well and within 6-9 months was a delightful young girl. She came to us with many unknowns, many fears, defense mechanisms and control issues. Over time she was able to adjust to family life and the walls came down.

We have no regrets and we feel like the results- a lovely daughter, were well worth the challenging journey.

We were tough and we had to be. We had to show our new daughter who was running the family. We had to show her that we were competent to do the job and we had to show her... her place as a family member.

I had done most of the reading and had to give hubby on the job training. Praise God he was a fast learner and in time could see the underlying control issues that our new daughter had... She was trying to divide us instead of uniting as a family. One by one she attempted to draw each family member to her "side" but we had already talked to the older children so they were aware of what was happening. 

The older kids showed their support for their parents and all sibling- she learned so much from how they handled it.

It was not wrong of her to do this... she had lived in survival mode for 8 plus years. This is all she knew.

Other older adopted children may exhibit different behavior but no matter what they do it is all an attempt to survive. 

Now Sarah is lovely and a blessing beyond belief! We cannot imagine our life without her!

Emma and Ellie came home a day before they turned 8 and 10. Emma was a challenge that we never anticipated in China. We actually considered not going through with her adoption, but God was so present and we put our trust in HIM. We are thankful we did... however Emma presents challenges that we were not aware of and did not anticipate. Still she is a blessing to us.

Many families had adopted children that are close to aging out. At 12-13 yrs old they are considered teenagers and often have hormones that can add to the challenge. I actually think adopting at this age is different than adopting at the 8-11 age- but we will see AND I will let you know when Mia comes home!

We also adopted our older daughters when our birth children were significantly older. In our opinion, it made it a lot easier. Our birth children did not ride the roller coaster that our new daughters were on... and actually wanted everyone in the home to be on. Being a bit older than average parents also helped, we were able to see what was happening and we (the parents) hopped off the roller coaster asap! 

We do not regret any of our older child adoptions. If we did, we wouldn't be doing it again!

BUT, it was very challenging. Our family situation seemed to be a good fit for it. NOT all family situations are a good fit for bringing home an older child. If a family decides it is in the best interest of the child and the family to re-home... who are we to judge?

Honestly, sometimes it just doesn't work out and re-homing is the best option.

Please read the post I have linked to- it is a good one. 

Before rushing in to adopt an older child please pray, pray pray about it and educate yourself as much as possible.


32 comments:

Mom Of Many said...

Excellent excellent excellent!! Thank You Jean for speaking truth and hope....I am so thankful for you and Jim and your sage wisdom....Sooooo needed in the adoption world....love you and honored to call you friend!!

Love for Lilly Yin said...

Jean you are such an inspiration to me. I would love to bring home a child between 12-10, but our SW will not allow us to adopt out of birth order.
We adopted a 5 year old 3 years ago, and a 6 year old last year, and it has worked out beautiful! Our first adoption has some emotional challenges, but she is so sweet and precious, I would not change a thing!

Rebecca said...

A friend of mine sent me this blog post a couple of days ago. It really is very insightful. Jennifer Logue sent me a list of about 15 or so questions when we were considering older child adoption. They were very to the point and necessary to consider. At first we felt like there was no way we could take that on, but after MUCH prayer and thought, our fears started to melt away and our 13 year old daughter will be home sometime this fall. One of the key factors is does the child have any desire to be adopted? If not... Well, why force it? It just makes the uphill battle so much harder. Our daughter has written to us and said she is very happy to be coming into our family. We are so excited. Gods hand has been upon this adoption since day one. We have no doubt that this is His will for us, but in the back of my mind I still get nervous about my other little ones being negatively affected. Please, anyone reading this, please, would you pray for our family and for the heart of our daughter?
Blessings,
Rebecca

Love for Lilly Yin said...

Jean I just sent you an email

Sarah said...

This is good, Jean! Thanks for posting it! I so wish that I had known more with our first older child adoption, but thankfully, God is faithful and we learned a lot. But, it takes a lot of faith and perserverance. It's definitely different than adopting a young child.

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

AMEN to honesty!!!!! :) THANK YOU!!!!

OH and I am sooo praying for ABBY!!!!! GOD KNOWS!!!!!

Chris said...

Amen and Amen. Our older kids need to be acknowledged in the success of our last adoption.
We were very open with them on the possible challenges.

Cari said...

Thanks for this post Jean and the link to the other blog. That post was very interesting. I agree with everything said. One thing I would change with our older child adoption {if I could have a do over} would have been to wait until our birth children were older like you did. That has been such a struggle in our situation. But God did know all this when He called us to bring her home, so I continue to trust and hope in His promises.

The Byrd's Nest said...

lol....I educated my husband on an "as needed" basis also:) Lottie came home with so many control issues at the age of 9 months...I'm not kidding! I can't imagine have 10 or 13 years to perfect that control....lots of prayers coming your way my friend:)

Sue said...

As you know I adopted "aging out" child. I am very lucky to have talked to Vicki (the blog link) among others, it helped me greatly, I have told many people that you need to expect the worse, to read about the worse and hope for the better, it will prepare you a lot more.

Terry said...

We met in China while adopting our "older" Child :) Challenging doesn't even tip the iceburg, lol! But there are continual rewards that far out-weigh them... and I agree, it's not for everyone. I think I was prepared. But not for everything. But looking back I see how far we have come. How for Arielle has come. She is a blessing beyond anything I imagined. So helpful to us all and very loving! I think her hormones are the most difficult thing to deal with. It brings up all those feelings of neglect, insecurity, etc, that she has deep within. I've been reading Silent Tears to help me understand some of the treatment she has gone through in her life. A lot of what she does really makes sense to me. But most of it only surfaces during specific times in her cycle. tip: I got an app on my iphone to track her period. Now that we can "see" how her mood relates to her cycle, its much more managable during those times... lol! it really worked for us. Your family is beautiful, God Bless!

Kelly said...

Goodness, I lost track of you! BEAUTIFUL FAMILY!! And adding another yet again? You go girl!

Unknown said...

Such a beautiful article on child adoption. It is a beautiful thing to adopt a child and give him/her the best care and love that he/she deserve. I'm looking forward to read more of such informative blog. Thanks you so much for your work.

Personal Injury Attorney Las Vegas

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
walden kayla said...

I was married for 4years with out any child,because of this my husband
start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending
time with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my
doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make
life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law told me about
(jehotemple@hotmail.com) from the Internet,how he has helped people
with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him
and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a miracle three days
later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me
he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few month later i
got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with
ourselves. Thanks to (Dr.aminato) for saving my relationship and for
also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested
to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell
caster email address is (jehotemple@hotmail.com)

Unknown said...

We currently giving out baby out for adoption. are you interested in adopting a healthy baby either male or female of your own,just contact us now on: revthomasorphanage@yahoo.com or call us on:+2347054206121

Unknown said...

My name is morgan keri.i want to give thanks to dr.trust for bringing back my ex husband.No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he brake up with me again.I was confuse and do not no what to do again,rather them to get in contact with dr.trust. He did a love spell that make my husband come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. dr.trust make him to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good.he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well,in our love life.contact email(ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com tel:+234186885231)

Unknown said...

My name is morgan keri.i want to give thanks to dr.trust for bringing back my ex husband.No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person,It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he brake up with me again.I was confuse and do not no what to do again,rather them to get in contact with dr.trust. He did a love spell that make my husband come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. dr.trust make him to realize how much we love and need each other.This man is for REAL and for good.he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well,in our love life.contact email(ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com tel:+234186885231)

Unknown said...

I am happy to make this comment , my wife and I are now happily back together. I have to say it was effortlessly done! Within 2 days, My wife left me a year ago.with my one kid The longer she’s gone, the more I see what a coward I was. At first, I blamed her for leaving. I told her she was ‘wrong’. In fact, I slapped Scripture on her, trying to guilt-induce her any way I could. My anger make me only to pushed her farther away. I can’t believe the way I acted. My wife gave me chance after chance, and I ignored her. I contacted Dr Osauyi and within a few hours of speaking with him, I realized that Dr Osauyi was the person whom I could completely trust. I just wanted to thank you for all your magic spell and commitment ! and I will always be using Dr.Osauyi for further work in the future because he really put unity and smile on my family again. We are now blissfully celebrating our third year anniversary together. Thank you so much!!! For those who might also want to give him a try. Email him on Osauyilovespell@gmail.com. you will never regret ever contacting him i wish all that will contact him best of luck you can call his cell phone on +2347064294395 Rob Simpson form USA http://osauyilovespelll.webs.com/

Unknown said...

I am happy to make this comment , my wife and I are now happily back together. I have to say it was effortlessly done! Within 2 days, My wife left me a year ago.with my one kid The longer she’s gone, the more I see what a coward I was. At first, I blamed her for leaving. I told her she was ‘wrong’. In fact, I slapped Scripture on her, trying to guilt-induce her any way I could. My anger make me only to pushed her farther away. I can’t believe the way I acted. My wife gave me chance after chance, and I ignored her. I contacted Dr Osauyi and within a few hours of speaking with him, I realized that Dr Osauyi was the person whom I could completely trust. I just wanted to thank you for all your magic spell and commitment ! and I will always be using Dr.Osauyi for further work in the future because he really put unity and smile on my family again. We are now blissfully celebrating our third year anniversary together. Thank you so much!!! For those who might also want to give him a try. Email him on Osauyilovespell@gmail.com. you will never regret ever contacting him i wish all that will contact him best of luck you can call his cell phone on +2347064294395 Rob Simpson form USA http://osauyilovespelll.webs.com/

Unknown said...

You are right. Parents who are planning to adopt an older child adoption should know about the adoption. They should know about the benefits of going for an adoption http://www.provplace.org/four-benefits-of-older-child-adoption/.

Unknown said...

Thank you for such an honest post. You raise the same points I made in my recently published book. This is why i wrote my book. Thank you!!

anniemaria192 said...

WOW! Great Article you can also Find Some Relevant. Quotes for Selfies

monya said...

Get help for Ledger Wallet customer support contact Number.
Ledger Wallet Customer Support phone number
Ledger Support phone number
Ledger Nano Support Phone Number
Ledger Wallet Support
Coinbase Support Number
Quickbooks Support Phone Number
Electrum Customer Support








jussica said...


Thank you Dr Ben for what you have done for me am so greatful my lover is back to me and we are now living happily together. Dr Ben love spell is very powerful and it does not have any side effect as he promised I decided to give Dr Ben a try when my lover left me for another he helped me to cast a love spell on my lover that brought him back to me what makes me excited the most is that my lover did not even know he is under a spell if you are passing through relationship love problem I advice you to contact Dr Ben to get your problem solve. It's very hard to loose a love one and I know how it feels so do not let somebody take away your lover from you. Contact Dr Ben today and get your problem solve and if you need his help below here is his email address.
drbenspellcaster@gmail.com or you can also reach him on his WhatsAp +2348151642717 and i promise you will share your own testimony..

Koola said...

freshshayari
member.php?323875-depoci6809
user/1127635
user/9902424
profile/59861.page
kaniro5959
603592/Default.aspx
kaniro5959/
profiles/view/340405
profile/kaniro/

janny crocket said...

Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him  +2348143581382 if you seek his help.   Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE

laura said...

I WANT TO TEEL THE WORLD ABOUT THE MIGHTY SPELL CASTER DR OKEKE ODIN WHO HELPED ME BROUGHT BACK MY HUSBAND BACK HOME TO MY KIDS. I WAS MARRIED TO MY HUSBAND WILLIAM SCOTCH FOR SEVEN YEARS AND WE LIVED HAPPILY TOGETHER UNTIL A CERTAIN DAY HE JUST WOKE UP FROM SLEEP TO TELL ME THAT HE DOES NOT LOVE ME ANY MORE. AT FIRST I TAUGHT IT WAS A JOKE BUT WITH TIME I BECAME TO SEE THAT HE WAS SERIOUS.WE ALREADY HAVE TWO KIDS TOGETHER AND I WAS ALREADY PREGNANT FOR MY THIRD BABY. SO A DAY CAME WHEN HE JUST ARRANGED HIS BAGS AND SAID HE WAS LEAVING THE HOUSE FOR GOOD AND NOT LONGER INTERESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP. I FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER GIRL AND THEY BOTH TRAVELED OUT OF THE STATE. AS I WAS READING THROUGH THE INTERNET ABOUT DIVORCE, I READ ABOUT THIS GREAT SPELL CASTER DR KEKE SO I CONTACTED HIM FOR HELP. HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY THAT IN JUST 48 HOURS, THAT MY HUSBAND WAS GOING TO COME BACK. I NEVER BELIEVED HIM UNTIL THE FOLLOWING DAY WHEN MY HUSBAND CAME TO THE HOUSE ASKING FOR MY FORGIVENESS. NOW WE ARE HAPPY TOGETHER WITH OUR KIDS. YOU CAN CONTACT DR KEKE TODAY AT writelovespell@gmail.com once
again contact him at (writelovespell@gmail.com). or reach him on whatsAp on +2348140443360 HE IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER AND SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AND PREDICAMENTS

brendaharri77@gmail.com said...

Hello I'm From Memphis Tennessee, USA I feel so joyful today because of the help Dr Sunny has rendered to me for getting my Husband back with his spell. I have been married for 4 years and it has been so terrible because my husband was cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce. But when i came across Dr Sunny Email, on the internet posted by a lady, i decided to get in touch with him and i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case for there is no problem without a solution. Here i am celebrating because my Husband is back home and am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr Sunny is truly a real spell caster. Why not contact Dr Sunny now if you are facing any challenges in your relationship life. Email solutioncentre911@gmail.com Also specialize i 1) love Spell2) Spell lost love
3) Spells divorce
4) Spells of marriage
5) Spell binding
6) Spells of break
7) Banish a lover past.
8.) You want to be promoted in your office
9) you want to satisfy your lover
contact this great man if you have a problem for a lasting solution Through Email: solutioncentre911@gmail.com

Adams Vera said...

What a beautiful and wonderful testimony, sometimes things you don't believe can just happen. My name is Adams Vera, from U.S.A am 28 years old i got married at the age of 24 i have only one child and i was living happily. After three years of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don't really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dreamed of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail i cry and i cry seeking for help because i was heart broken until i coincidentally came across an online spell caster called Dr. Osasu , i contacted him and explained to him what i have been going through in my marriage and he gave me the full assurance that my husband will come back to me and my marriage will be restored, He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 3days my husband will come back to me and start begging, it really happen it was so surprising and everything was just like a miracle, ever since my family have been living with so much happiness and our relationship was now very tight because of this great and powerful spell caster.he is a very great and powerful spell caster that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning life issues he cannot solve because i am a living testimony. i know there are so many people out there who are going through similar problems in one way or the other, believe me this is the right spell caster to contact and all your problems will be forgotten. contact Dr. Osasu viaWhatsapp: +2347064365391 Email:Account drosasu25@gmail.com

Dr Padman said...

Are you having troubles in getting your Ex Lover back, having marital problems, infertility, financial instability.
Why are you bordering yourself about your lover/husband/wife breaking up with you, its time you get all your problems solved with the help of my PERMANENT SPELL CAST powers.
Am specialized in all types of spell casting such as
Love Spell ( to get your ex lover, husband or wife back )
Lottery Spell
Money Spell
Pregnancy Spell
Job/Contract Spell
Health Spell
Wealth Spell
Good luck Spell
Life Spell
Spiritual Spell
Beauty/Shape Spell
Trick Spell
Fantasy Spell
Spell to win court cases
Am always here to help you solve all your problems and grant you all your heart desires through my spell powers.
My PERMANENT SPELL CAST is 100% guarantee sure. Do get to me to help solve your problems now on Email: padmanlovespell@yahoo.com. Whatsapp +19492293867 website: https://padmanspell.com/index-3.html

janny crocket said...

Ever since my husband got me divorced for the past 2 years, i v'e not been my self. I was reviewing some post of how i could get back my husband then, i saw a testimony shared by Marina Choas from SWEDEN about a spell caster named Dr. tunde. I contacted Marina Chaos to confirm about how Dr. tunde helped her and she clarified everything to me of how he helped her and that gave me the courage to get in touch with Dr. tunde for help. Dr. tunde assured me that my days of sorrows will be over within 48hours after he has finished with his work. I followed his instructions he gave to me because i had the believe, faith, hope and trust in him. Verily i say to you today that i and my husband are back together and i can proudly say and testify to the world of what Dr. tunde did for me. Contact him today via E-mail:(babatundesolutioncentre1@gmail.com) OR call him or whatsapp him +2348143581382 if you seek his help. Also specialize in treating all kinds of illness, HERPES VIRUS, HEPATITIS B, CANCER, BRAIN DISEASE, INFERTILITY, DIABETES AND MORE