Thursday, February 25, 2010

Older child adoption - Our Time in China- Part 4

We were so happy to arrive in Guangzhou!!

We had so much fun with Sarah in China!

Princess Sarah Ming Ming!

Her medical exam. We made it just in time!

She loved getting little new toys!

The 3 musketeers!

The other children couldn't help but stare!

Sarah got a haircut in China! Her dream is to grow it out long- now she is set to grow!!

I think we may need a little floss!

All cozy after a shower!

Sarah very quickly showed a definite preference for Katie. It was okay in the beginning but she began to be a little mean to me. Maybe I should have taken it in stride but I felt like it was orphanage behavior where a child has to pick sides or else they will be the odd one out. It is a survival skill. I wanted to show Sarah-
1. In a family you do not need to do that
2. It is not okay to treat people poorly

I knew I could not force her to like me or love me but I felt confident with time that would happen.

When she would grab her sister's hand I made sure Katie grabbed mine. When she refused to hold my hand, Katie would happily hold it. If she gave Kate a hug, Kate would hug me. I controlled all the money. If either daughter needed anything they had to come to me. I ordered the food for the family and served my daughters dinner. Dear Katie was "the ongoing example"!
I brushed Katie's teeth then Sarah's teeth. I combed Katie's hair then Sarah's hair.

I helped Sarah bathe or shower... I bet your wondering IF I helped Katie, too. Hahahaha, no that's where we drew the line! Because Katie and I spoke English and Sarah didn't we would talk through these circumstances. Sarah seemed oblivious to us talking. It wasn't until she began to learn English that she started wondering what are you saying?

Sarah chose to sleep with Katie in the double bed. Honestly, I was so fine with that, I just wanted a good night sleep! Once we got to Guangzhou we had one king bed that we shared and we had Sarah in the middle. Baby steps!

This seemed to work. She seemed to begin to think I was okay and started to respect me a little more. She new I was the one that was going to meet her needs. Katie was cute and fun BUT I was Mama.

Once we left her Province things got better. We did have another "Stand Off" over clothes. I am pretty sure nothing was going to make her happy that morning and it was just another necessary emotional moment. It was all part of her transition. We missed BKF (at the White Swan- bummer) but we made it to her medical appt- our new guide came up and helped her. This time our guide was a young unmarried girl, as nice as can be but unexperienced in parenting.

In my heart I new Sarah and I would be fine, I knew that I would always be there for her. That I was different and unfamiliar and didn't have a right to take a prominent spot in her life. I had to earn it. As we moved further and further away from what she new, what was comfortable she came closer and closer to me. I was there waiting for her with open arms.

I could really tell my feelings for her where becoming deeper. I felt very protective of her and enjoyed meeting her needs. She was an incredible little girl! She was generally joyful and had a positive energy about her. When we shopped in Guangzhou she helped me bargain. I would wink and smile at her. Sometimes we would have to walk out of the store and the salespeople would come after us and lower their price. We had fun!

By the time we flew home it was not even questioned Sarah would sit next to her Momma on the plane!

I actually have more to say so I will continue with our first weeks at home. I may take a little break and talk about something else!

If you are a lurker or are just stopping by PLEASE add yourself to the followers! It would make my day to get into the 90's! I have been stuck in the 80's forever!


Mandi said...

Dear friend,

You have NO idea how much these older child posts are helping me right now. I so appreciate all you are "teaching" us and how you are letting us know that there will be bad times, but the good outweigh the bad, and the end result is Sarah is a part of your family now.

Angie said...

Our son was preferring to seek help from our son who traveled with us, rather than coming to my husband or me. We had to finally tell our oldest son that he was not to help his new brother with ANYTHING! He was appalled (why wouldn't he help his new brother?)until we explained our reasoning...and that worked quickly. Our new son came to us readily for help once he knew big brother wasn't lifing a finger!

jan said...

hi jean! it is jan :) even though i read your blog, i just signed up and pushed you to the 90 mark!!! woohoo!

tomorrow is day 50 is our LOA wait :) our daughter is abigail (we adopted phoebe from vietnam where i posted at journey to me which is where i think i 'met' you :)

our blog for abigail is:

we leave for rwanda monday morning for 10 days to work in orphanages there :) the trip blog is:

come with me there if you want :)

jan said...

me again. sorry i mistyped the trip blog name:


"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

REALLY enjoying these posts :)

Katie said...

Another great post Jean, and you're in the 90's finally --- WHOOP WHOOP!!